Film News: Woah..Wait...What? Sofia Coppola, The Little Mermaid, how did I not know about this!?

Well it's not official, in fact its so not official it doesn't have any information on the IMDB page as of yet, but apparently Sofia Coppola is going to be directing a true to the original fairy tale version of The Little Mermaid!

Photo by Annie Leibovitz for Disney Parks.
This totally hasn't been my phone and laptop paper for the past few years....honest.

I love Coppola as a director and cannot wait to see what she does with it. Fairy tale films, especially darker, more sinister versions which really get to the heart of the original cautionary tales, are my absolute passion.

I literally grew up on these kinds of films. I was born in 1988, the year before Disney's The Little Mermaid (1989) was released. This was back in the days when Disney wouldn't release anything on home video for fear of upsetting its theatrical re-release profits every seven years or so. By the time I was toddling about my dad found a version of The Little Mermaid in the bargain bin section of our local Blockbuster video rental store, (yeah kids I'm old!) for a bargain price and I was introduced to this beauty.

Under the Skin (2013) Review

Or Girl meets Boys, Girl seduces and kills all the Boys, Girl decides she like all the Boys really, Boys are Bastards. You know, your typical Girl meets Boy story.

You can watch the trailer here.

Warning: There will be swearing, and there will be penis. Lots of penis.

Under the Skin (2013) was certainly interesting. I'm constantly fighting against myself with this one. I hated it. Then it grew on me the more I thought about it. Then I kept remembering the ending and chastising myself for starting to like it.

I wanted to love it, and for a while I did. But then it all went wrong.

When I decided I wanted to watch the film, this was all I knew about it. Synopsis courtesy of Flixster;

A voluptuous woman of unknown origin combs the highway in search of isolated or forsaken men, luring a succession of lost souls into an otherworldly lair. They are seduced, stripped of their humanity, and never heard from again. Based on the novel by Michael Faber, this film examines human experience from the perspective of an unforgettable heroine who grows too comfortable in her borrowed skin, until she is abducted into humanity with devastating results.

Titanic Disorder

Or, Rose, Rose, I'm going to the shops Rose. Thanks Jack, see you later Jack. Wait, Jack, Jack! Don't forget the milk Jack. I won't Rose. I love you Rose. I love you too Jack.

I hate Titanic (1997).

Not even going to go into why as we have had nearly 20 years to moan about it. However, the main thing that really made me want to scrub out my ears with a scouring pad to save me from the inanity of it, was the fact that every single character has to mention Jack and Rose's names whenever they talk about them, to them, or in proximity to them. It is as if James Cameron is terrified that we might forget who these starcrossed nimrods, through whom is the only way we can possibly feel any sympathy for the deaths of over 1,500 people, are if they don't!

In case you can't tell. It really irritated me. I did note that in one sentence one of their names were used 3 times. I never wanted to go back and gather evidence though. It was just too painful.

Luckily for me though, CinemaSins have done it for me! Enjoy folks!

If the embedded video doesn't work for you, try going here.

Edit: Yeah sorry, I can't just leave it at that. I have to rant more!

Seriously, Cameron uses their names in the dialogue 173 times?! Even in a 3 hour and 14 minute movie (thanks for that as well Cameron!) that is a name mention every 1 minutes and 5 seconds!

Stuff Sentence: E Deck, Cameron should be sentenced to Titanic heaven with Jack and Rose so he can endure the 'name calling' for eternity!

Rant over. Promise.

My Random Term Glossary

This post will be continuously edited and reworked as I add more things to it. It will get messy. It will get disorganised. I will not apologise. Yes I will, I'm British. Sorry!

Deep Impact Effect
This is when a film worries that people are not emotionally invested enough in a harrowing plot line / are getting bored, so they hold up a crying baby to remind you of how serious this all is. Courtesy of Deep Impact (1998).

Hamster Style
Something happens in the first 10 minutes that comes back to haunt the narrative. Ever noticed how anyone who coughs at the start of a film almost always dies of consumption at the end? Your basic Chekhov's gun. "One must never place a loaded rifle on the stage if it isn't going to go off. It's wrong to make promises you don't mean to keep." - Chekhov. Genuinely can't remember who nicknamed it Hamster style though.

Phoebe Buffay Treatment
When you never show the ending to a film in order to protect the viewer and yourself from a horrific ending. From the Friends (1994-2004) episode 'The One Where Old Yeller Dies'.

Titanic Disorder
An illness in which a film has to mention the name of the character each line is addressing, every single time. This is to ensure the audience remembers their names, and that they know exactly who they are talking to because editing, acting or any form of direction just isn't enough. It is most commonly found in plays written by primary school children, and James Cameron films. Courtesy of Titanic (1997).

Gaddily bob-howdy!

Or, woah, look what I found!

Randomly was just checking some cast and crew deets for Toy Story (1995) courtesy of IMDB when I spotted this;

Screenplay by none other than Joss Whedon! As if Toy Story could be any more awesome!

That's all folks. back to your scheduled programming.

Veronica Mars (2014) Review

Or, a long time ago, we used to be friends but I haven't thought of you lately at all.

You can watch the trailer here.

Veronica Mars (2014) was exactly to be expected. It was made for the fans. Luckily for me I was such a fan. 

Here's your IMDB synopsis;

Years after walking away from her past as a teenage private eye, Veronica Mars gets pulled back to her hometown - just in time for her high school reunion - in order to help her old flame Logan Echolls, who's embroiled in a murder mystery.

All the 'in jokes' were there. You even had the random busker playing the theme song courtesy of Spider-Man (2002). (I still can't sing the Spider Man theme song without going 'Look out, woooooooo! Here comes the Spider Man!")

Everyone was there that you expected, and hoped, to be at the reunion. They even attended a high school reunion! How delightfully meta of you Veronica Mars!

I speak with sarcasm but I did love it for all those little nods to the fans who made it happen during the phenomenal Veronica Mars Movie kick starter campaign. The main priority of the film was to resolve the ultimate frustration of the fans when the show was cancelled. Get Veronica back with Logan. 

Piz was a nice guy and all, but everyone who watched the series as a teenager knew you just can't separate Veronica and Logan. God, I feel dirty for still being invested in this!

The film delivered on its promise. Unfortunately, it did so in such a way that to anyone who didn't know the show it will just feel solely like an obvious rom-com interlaced with dabbles of crime drama. 

The important thing was it ended by promising there would be more to come. We've had our fun, we've done all that we promised fans, now we will take it seriously. However, by then I think Veronica Mars would have alienated the potential new audience and have already pandered too much to the old. 

Gravity (2013) Review

Or, the first actual roller coaster ride of a film in years. 

You can watch the trailer here.

Gravity (2013) was absolutely perfect, and so much more deserving of the Best Picture Oscar than 12 Years a Slave (2013). Seriously, how can a film possibly win the following accolades but not Best Picture?

• Best Achievement in Directing
• Best Achievement in Cinematography
• Best Achievement in Film Editing
• Best Achievement in Visual Effects
• Best Achievement in Music Written for Motion Pictures, Original Score
• Best Achievement in Sound Editing
• Best Achievement in Sound Mixing

Of the 10 Oscar's it was nominated for it won 7. Every sum of its parts was listed as the best but it did not win best picture. The only other wins for 12 Years were Best Supporting Actress for Lupita Nyong'o (which was thoroughly deserved) and Best Adapted Screen Play. Grrrrrrr!

Anyway, I have already digressed. I can't say I often agree with the Oscar winners so why this came to be such a surprise for me I will never know. 12 Years was written to win an Oscar and white American slave guilt won out after all. I just wish they hadn't been so obvious about it.

I'm going to try and keep this short as my posts have been intolerably wrong recently and for that I apologise. I am an arrogant critic who loves to hear the sound of her own voice it would seem. Though this blog is done for my benefit more than anyone else's so if you don't like it, frankly my dear, I don't give a damn!

Anyway, let's compose ourselves shall we. Here is your IMDB synopsis;

Dr. Ryan Stone (Sandra Bullock) is a brilliant medical engineer on her first shuttle mission, with veteran astronaut Matt Kowalski (George Clooney) in command of his last flight before retiring. But on a seemingly routine spacewalk, disaster strikes. The shuttle is destroyed, leaving Stone and Kowalsky completely alone - tethered to nothing but each other and spiraling out into the blackness.

The atmosphere (see what I did there!) throughout the film was fantastic. I haven't been made to feel in that way by Cinema for what feels like ages. It seemed like Hollywood had lost its ability to make us emphasise with a character without throwing in an hysterical tearjerker.

Spring Breakers (2012) Review

Or, do you feel abused yet?

You can watch the trailer here.

The verdict is in. This season's youths respond only to stroboscopic imagery, bright colours, discordant sound. Their life is a snapshot. Their emotions in colour. Their thoughts a one liner. Their image a selfie.

If you don't pick up any sarcasm there then you are at the wrong blog.

Here is the IMDB synopsis for you;

Brit, Candy, Cotty, and Faith have been best friends since grade school. They live together in a boring college dorm and are hungry for adventure. All they have to do is save enough money for spring break to get their shot at having some real fun. A serendipitous encounter with rapper "Alien" promises to provide the girls with all the thrill and excitement they could hope for. With the encouragement of their new friend, it soon becomes unclear how far the girls are willing to go to experience a spring break they will never forget.

I, like most people I think, always had a sense that Spring Breakers (2013) could go either way. (Originally this was the point where I broke into a huge rant about James Franco but for the sake of my and your sanity I’m trying to avoid it. Maybe a separate post!)

Now I'll be completely honest, I lost interest in the film about thirty minutes in and started doing something with my phone. Nothing interesting enough to remember, again like the first half an hour or so of this film.

From the off Spring Breakers was everything I expected it to be, which was mainly vapid and shallow. The editing was snappy in a way which was intended to create a discordant and syncopated narrative but just seemed pointless. Every scene was dark and over shadowed with garish coloured lighting to give it that Enter the Void (2009) for teenagers feel. It was that kind of aesthetic intended to look like a music video for the MTV generation. But I'm afraid the MTV generation are all grown up now Korine, and we like you cannot hold on to these tales of growing up dramatically forever.

12 Years a Slave (2013) Review

Or, everyone should be equal, though it seems some are much more equal than others.

You can find the trailer here.

Now I just want to state from the very beginning (I still can't say that phrase without going into The Sound of Music in my head) that I very much enjoyed this film. Considering the length, it was fantastically well paced. Even in a theatre with a heater relentlessly trying to cook my legs, and a horrendous cough I was desperately trying to conceal (mostly with wine) it went by very quickly.

However, it must first be noted that I watched 12 Years a Slave (2013) after it had won the Best Picture Oscar so it had a lot to live up to.

For those who have been living under a rock, here is the IMDB synopsis;

Based on an incredible true story of one man's fight for survival and freedom. In the pre-Civil War United States, Solomon Northup (Chiwetel Ejiofor), a free black man from upstate New York, is abducted and sold into slavery. Facing cruelty (personified by a malevolent slave owner, portrayed by Michael Fassbender), as well as unexpected kindnesses, Solomon struggles not only to stay alive, but to retain his dignity. In the twelfth year of his unforgettable odyssey, Solomon's chance meeting with a Canadian abolitionist (Brad Pitt) will forever alter his life.

This was one of those films where I watched it thinking it was amazing, but as soon as the lights went up it didn't take too long before questions and doubts started crawling into my mind.

Here is a little insight into why I find 12 Years a Slave just a little too unnerving.

Ride Along (2014) Review

Or, I'm not going to waste my time writing a long detailed review as this film was pointless.

You can view the trailer if you are really, really bored here.

So I went to see Ride Along (2014) on Wednesday. Wasn't by choice really, but I did drag the Tweebs out to watch Frozen (2013) last week and it turns out revenge is a dish best served bland and tepid.

Here is a nice IMDB plot synopsis for you;

Fast-talking security guard Ben joins his cop brother-in-law James on a 24-hour patrol of Atlanta in order to prove himself worthy of marrying Angela, James' sister.

At best it was offensive. Two of my favourite quotes, and quite frankly the only ones I can remember were "He's one gene away from being a midget." And, after a bunch of gang members pull out their weapons in a strip club (not in that way, though they might as well have), "Man, you gotta be kidding me! You gonna pull out a gun, when you looking at THIS?" as he points at a stripper's ass. Oh I did forget another. After breaking up to teenagers fighting in the cafeteria Kevin Hart responds, "You can't fight, you're white." Way to ghetoise every other race and perpetuate notions of white vs. other Hart!

At worst and most generally it was just bland. Ice Cube, is terrible. Kevin Hart is loud and irritating, in a way that I'm guessing is meant to be endearing, and Tika Sumpter, the love interest and sister of our tale, was little more than window dressing.

Seriously. All she did in the film was;

1. Nearly get "pounded by the black hammer" on numerous occasions.
2. Send sexy texts to Kevin Hart - which you don't even see her do, you just get to watch Hart react like a Neanderthal and Ice Cube look disgusted. I think. All his faces are the same. I say faces, I mean snarls.
3. Wear some hot pants.
4. Briefly play a little Xbox - which is just intended to be funny I think, for no reason other than women can't play consoles or shooting games, or something. Our little thumbs are just too weak.
5. Get kidnapped, still wearing said hot pants. 

I literally paid more attention to the hot pants than this poor woman. Though I guess that was the point. Job well done Ride Along! Even straight ladies were intrigued by the hot pants.

Frozen (2012) Review / Contextual Study

Or about blooming time Disney!

Watch the trailer here.

Well, almost a full year since I last promised I would post again, here I am! We'll catch up on that later.

So last night I watched Frozen, (massively late to the party I know, but we'll get on to that later too!) this morning I purchased the soundtrack with my iTunes voucher (thank you Beardface) and drove into work belting out Let It Go on repeat.

I'm not going to even pretend that I'm not a huge Disney fan, and I'm certainly not going to apologise for it. I know the evils, I know all about the commercialisation of childhood, I studied it at university for Pete's sake (I did actually write my dissertation on Disney) and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

I know many argue that Disney has dictated an illusion of childhood for many, but for me it created a childhood of jumping from sofas playing Peter Pan (1953), the pleasure in singing as loud as you can instead of screaming at someone, and taught me from a very young age the importance of good storytelling. I think my fascination for film and plot all comes from my love of Disney as a child and is probably the reason I write, and why this blog comes to you now.

As I'm sure you can tell already, I really loved this film. It was the final conclusion to my hopes for Tangled (2010) and The Princess and the Frog (2009). The realisation of the return to the Disney model. The last of which I haven't seen since Mulan (1999) when I was still pretty young.

Now, being a 'Princess' film (or more importantly in this case, a 'Queen' film), Frozen is of course rife with gender politics which I may touch on, but I'm pretty sure every other reviewer would have done so already. Also, I have already dedicated a whole dissertation to gender politics in Disney films so I've done that to death for now. Therefore I'm going to look at it more as an analysis of the Disney model.