Ride Along (2014) Review

Or, I'm not going to waste my time writing a long detailed review as this film was pointless.

You can view the trailer if you are really, really bored here.

So I went to see Ride Along (2014) on Wednesday. Wasn't by choice really, but I did drag the Tweebs out to watch Frozen (2013) last week and it turns out revenge is a dish best served bland and tepid.

Here is a nice IMDB plot synopsis for you;

Fast-talking security guard Ben joins his cop brother-in-law James on a 24-hour patrol of Atlanta in order to prove himself worthy of marrying Angela, James' sister.

At best it was offensive. Two of my favourite quotes, and quite frankly the only ones I can remember were "He's one gene away from being a midget." And, after a bunch of gang members pull out their weapons in a strip club (not in that way, though they might as well have), "Man, you gotta be kidding me! You gonna pull out a gun, when you looking at THIS?" as he points at a stripper's ass. Oh I did forget another. After breaking up to teenagers fighting in the cafeteria Kevin Hart responds, "You can't fight, you're white." Way to ghetoise every other race and perpetuate notions of white vs. other Hart!

At worst and most generally it was just bland. Ice Cube, is terrible. Kevin Hart is loud and irritating, in a way that I'm guessing is meant to be endearing, and Tika Sumpter, the love interest and sister of our tale, was little more than window dressing.

Seriously. All she did in the film was;

1. Nearly get "pounded by the black hammer" on numerous occasions.
2. Send sexy texts to Kevin Hart - which you don't even see her do, you just get to watch Hart react like a Neanderthal and Ice Cube look disgusted. I think. All his faces are the same. I say faces, I mean snarls.
3. Wear some hot pants.
4. Briefly play a little Xbox - which is just intended to be funny I think, for no reason other than women can't play consoles or shooting games, or something. Our little thumbs are just too weak.
5. Get kidnapped, still wearing said hot pants. 

I literally paid more attention to the hot pants than this poor woman. Though I guess that was the point. Job well done Ride Along! Even straight ladies were intrigued by the hot pants.



I retweeted a tweet from @ImageComics a while ago kind of just as a little smirk as I didn't honestly think any film could still be quite this dense in their portrayal of women. I think it sums this up nicely;

"If you can replace the female character in your story with a sexy lamp and the plot still functions, fuck you." -DeConnick #imageEXPO
— Image Comics (@ImageComics) January 10, 2014

Thank you Ride Along for reminding me just how sexist film can still be. Bravo! Now I'm not going to waste any more time writing about you as, quite frankly, this is all there is to say.