Judging a Film by It's Trailer! - Friday 4th April 2014

This is what I am hoping will be a weekly fixture, though I'm not going to commit as I know it won't happen. I watch the trailers. Give my basic thoughts, and categorise them into Green, Orange and Red, dependent on my desperation to watch them. The categorisation is pretty basic, but I'm only watching the trailers so that's the point! Snap decisions based on often badly constructed representations of the final product!

If you want intelligent review, step away now.

So this week British Cinemas get to be graced by the following gems. Lists courtesy of Launching Films.

Friday 4 April 2014

• Divergent
• The Double
• Haunter
• Honour
• Main Tera Hero
• The Motel Life
• Noah
• Rio 2 (3D)
• A Story of Children and Film
• Tom at the Farm
• Visitors

Lets get to it then shall we!

Divergent (2014)

Mobile users can view this trailer here.

Not even gunna lie, I love this crap. Distopian future? That's all I need to hear. Looks like it is diving aboard the starcrossed lovers train though, so runs a strong risk of being another horrendous Twilight (2008) tag along. Looks fairly generic either way. Love the quick nod to the categories they get shoved into; '*brooding voice* I don't want to be just one thing. I wanna be brave, and selfless, and intelligent, and honest and kind.' Makes me think of the Power Rangers. Nobody wants heart.

Verdict: Orange - Want to watch it. Not going to make any effort to do so though. Will I pay for it? Probably not, unless I run out of things I want to watch.

The Double (2013)

Mobile users can view this trailer here.

Seriously?! How the hell did I not know that Richard Ayoade had made another film? How is it only getting released in UK theatres now. Why am I not in the cinema watching this right this moment? Always massively intrigued by an identity crisis on the big screen. All over this.

Verdict: Green - If I could be watching it right now I would, but I can't find any damn place that's showing it!

Haunter (2014)

Mobile users can view this trailer here.

Looks pretty lame. Actually a bit upset that Abigail Breslin is in it. I expected more from her than to graduate to crappy horror. Plus it only has a 15 certificate so its not intelligent looking enough to be scary on its own, not gory enough to be terrifying for actual scenes, and not terrible enough to look funny.

Verdict: Red - If I saw it on my TV planner I would probably still stick to watching Come Dine With Me (2005 - ?) repeats. Even the boring ones.

Honour (2014)

Mobile users can view this trailer here.

Everything in me says this is probably going to be offensive. However, Paddy Considine is a real star and I ultimately trust almost anything he is in. Seems well timed, considering the many stories surrounding 'honour killings' in the news at present. Though, since this is being churned up as part of a government scapegoating campaign for us to blame 'the foreigners' for all of society's troubles I'm not sure if this is really going to be part of the solution.

Verdict: Green - Always keen to support British cinema no matter how tenuous the link. Don't know much about the director, but its set in the UK and features Considine that's enough for me. Plus it looks like it has the potential to be amazing.

Main Tera Hero (still listed as in development? Confused.)

Mobile users can view the trailer here.

Look awful...I love it! Love a bit of Bollywood anyway, but I'm guessing the fact that I can't understand any of the dialogue and there are no subs is making it go up in my estimations. Pretty sure it won't get shown anywhere locally to me anyway. Bonus points for this move.

Verdict: Green - A very low green, but this looks massively entertaining, just for the surreal elements.

The Motel Life (2012)

Mobile users can view the trailer here.

Looks really interesting. Really like the use of animation inbetween, and the two men look like they have a Winchester level of bromance.

Verdict: Green - Probably most excited by this and The Double so far. Would go and book a ticket now if I could. Annoyingly though it looks like London only.

Noah (2014)

Mobile users can view the trailer here.

Certainly looks 'epic'. I don't know why, but this just isn't ticking the right boxes for me. I love Darren Aronofsky as a director and I am always intrigued by religious epics. However, we have Emma Watson, who always feels like she struggles to talk, as if she has to just blurt every line out in the most bizarrely enunciated way possible. The CG looks terrible, and in a film populated by CG beasts and world destroying flooding that could be an issue.

I think ultimately this feels like an 'I'll take my Oscar now please' film. If you can't do race, AIDs, Gay rights, mentally handicapped, historical epic then go religious epic. I don't doubt that Black Swan (2010) should have won him something, but this isn't the way to go about it.

Verdict: Orange - I'm still intrigued, but feel it'll ruin a bit of Aronofsky for me. It's not worth it, especially not for Russell Crowe.

Rio 2 (2014)

Mobile users can view the trailer here.

Much as I love animated family films, I am a bit of a snob and it's not often I get excited by anything but Ghibli, Disney or Pixar. This has a great cast and all, but just not interested. Plus I haven't watched the original so that doesn't help. If that isn't enough, I hate an animated animal film which relies on the 'isn't it funny, they're animals but they have hilarious generic people problems! That's so relatable to me as a human' troupe. Just no.

Verdict: Red - The whole Meet the Parents (2000) thing got old when Meet the Parents kept doing it, certainly not interested in introducing the concept to children. Then they might grew up and make more of them.

A Story of Children and Film (2013)

Mobile users can view the trailer here.

Not sure about this. I do love looking at things from the perspective of children, and I like studying it even more.  Something about this is making my head scream 'No, I don't want to watch and hour and a half of home videos about your children!'

Verdict: Orange - I really feel like I should see it, and I'm sure I'll love it, but I really, really, really, really, don't want to! Hopefully I will grit my teeth and go, but it doesn't look likely.

Tom at the Farm (2013)

Mobile users can view the trailer here.

Annoyingly Blogger won't let me post the trailer I watched, so I hope this one is the same. I can only find the French version so can't tell much. Reminds me of a mixture between Funny Games and another foreign language film featuring a lesbian couple who get savaged while staying at one of their parents houses while on break from college, the title of which I really can't remember.That's going to annoy me.

Verdict: Orange - Pretty sure it would be green if I knew what was going on.

Visitors (2013)

Mobile users can watch the trailer here.

What do you say to that? Looks gorgeously shot, but in a wanky, 'come visit my first art exhibit, I've taken loads of black and white portraits with empty faces in order to seem poignant and allow you to create your own meaning, because this is totally original' way.

Verdict: Red - I'm sure its amazing but it has annoyed me too much already. That and I've just watched 11 trailers in a row and now I'm grumpy and tired. And what the hell has Steven Soderbergh got to do with it?

Conclusion
So we have 3 reds, 4 oranges and 4 greens. Not too shabby a week in cinema me thinks! Main priority is definitely going to be The Double though.

Edit: I have added in some mobile friendly links so you can actually watch the trailers! Having a real battle with the mobile version of this blog at the moment so I am very sorry and thanks for bearing with me!