Spring Breakers (2012) Review

Or, do you feel abused yet?

You can watch the trailer here.

The verdict is in. This season's youths respond only to stroboscopic imagery, bright colours, discordant sound. Their life is a snapshot. Their emotions in colour. Their thoughts a one liner. Their image a selfie.

If you don't pick up any sarcasm there then you are at the wrong blog.

Here is the IMDB synopsis for you;

Brit, Candy, Cotty, and Faith have been best friends since grade school. They live together in a boring college dorm and are hungry for adventure. All they have to do is save enough money for spring break to get their shot at having some real fun. A serendipitous encounter with rapper "Alien" promises to provide the girls with all the thrill and excitement they could hope for. With the encouragement of their new friend, it soon becomes unclear how far the girls are willing to go to experience a spring break they will never forget.

I, like most people I think, always had a sense that Spring Breakers (2013) could go either way. (Originally this was the point where I broke into a huge rant about James Franco but for the sake of my and your sanity I’m trying to avoid it. Maybe a separate post!)

Now I'll be completely honest, I lost interest in the film about thirty minutes in and started doing something with my phone. Nothing interesting enough to remember, again like the first half an hour or so of this film.

From the off Spring Breakers was everything I expected it to be, which was mainly vapid and shallow. The editing was snappy in a way which was intended to create a discordant and syncopated narrative but just seemed pointless. Every scene was dark and over shadowed with garish coloured lighting to give it that Enter the Void (2009) for teenagers feel. It was that kind of aesthetic intended to look like a music video for the MTV generation. But I'm afraid the MTV generation are all grown up now Korine, and we like you cannot hold on to these tales of growing up dramatically forever.

Ride Along (2014) Review

Or, I'm not going to waste my time writing a long detailed review as this film was pointless.

You can view the trailer if you are really, really bored here.

So I went to see Ride Along (2014) on Wednesday. Wasn't by choice really, but I did drag the Tweebs out to watch Frozen (2013) last week and it turns out revenge is a dish best served bland and tepid.

Here is a nice IMDB plot synopsis for you;

Fast-talking security guard Ben joins his cop brother-in-law James on a 24-hour patrol of Atlanta in order to prove himself worthy of marrying Angela, James' sister.

At best it was offensive. Two of my favourite quotes, and quite frankly the only ones I can remember were "He's one gene away from being a midget." And, after a bunch of gang members pull out their weapons in a strip club (not in that way, though they might as well have), "Man, you gotta be kidding me! You gonna pull out a gun, when you looking at THIS?" as he points at a stripper's ass. Oh I did forget another. After breaking up to teenagers fighting in the cafeteria Kevin Hart responds, "You can't fight, you're white." Way to ghetoise every other race and perpetuate notions of white vs. other Hart!

At worst and most generally it was just bland. Ice Cube, is terrible. Kevin Hart is loud and irritating, in a way that I'm guessing is meant to be endearing, and Tika Sumpter, the love interest and sister of our tale, was little more than window dressing.

Seriously. All she did in the film was;

1. Nearly get "pounded by the black hammer" on numerous occasions.
2. Send sexy texts to Kevin Hart - which you don't even see her do, you just get to watch Hart react like a Neanderthal and Ice Cube look disgusted. I think. All his faces are the same. I say faces, I mean snarls.
3. Wear some hot pants.
4. Briefly play a little Xbox - which is just intended to be funny I think, for no reason other than women can't play consoles or shooting games, or something. Our little thumbs are just too weak.
5. Get kidnapped, still wearing said hot pants. 

I literally paid more attention to the hot pants than this poor woman. Though I guess that was the point. Job well done Ride Along! Even straight ladies were intrigued by the hot pants.