The Cave (2005) review

Or, I know the films set in a cave and all, but the viewing experience doesn't have to feel like I'm in a cave. I want to see dammit!

You can watch the trailer here.

Back in your box Arnie.

So, I'm back, again. Massively resisting the urge to use ridiculously clichéd catchphrases. BACK IN YOUR BOX ARNIE!

I have a new laptop. I don't like it. The track pad is too massive for my weirdly stunted thumbs and my mouse pointer takes so long to scroll anyway, it feels like I am sexually assaulting my laptop to get from one side of the screen to the other. I have upped the settings, but no dice. I'm starting to think I have no soul as lifts (or elevators, American cousins) also seem oblivious to when I press the buttons. At work I often have to wait until someone else will hit my floor for me.

Hit the stairs you bum!

But we won't let all that stop us from having fun now will we? Well actually, I probably will, because I can be bratty like that.

I have actually had my new laptop for a little while. However, it has unfortunately left me too poor to enjoy the simple pleasures of the cinema, and although I do have Sky movies, they never seem to have anything worth watching. Seriously, how can Sky be so expensive, and yet the only thing I ever watch on it is Storage Wars (TV Series 2010 - ) repeats, (which I can get on Freeview anyway) while I desperately wait for the shows I watch which are exclusive to Sky? (Which by the way don't even fill up one hand, even if we don't count my weirdly short thumbs?)

I don't think I even realised how weirdly short my thumbs are until I bought this laptop.

Wow, two rants for the price of one. Well at least I am posting.

Still, I have just finished watching the latest season of Game of Thrones (TV Series 2011 -) (which is exclusive to Sky, yey!), while simultaneously catching up on the books. (As much as I love Game of Thrones, after this rant I am starting to realise it probably isn't worth £40+ pounds per month, but hey, Manface is a football fan so likelihood is we will continue to pay for it, and if he wants his football so badly, then gosh darnit I will have my movies package that I never watch.)

That's three rants now. I'm on fire.

I'm really not going to review it. Too many spoilers, too many intricacies, and I don't review TV as I don't feel you can judge a series until you see how they tie it all together, *ahem* Lost (TV Series 2004 - 2010), Heroes (TV Series 2006-2010). Well except all of those episodes of Black Mirror I reviewed, but I let that slide because each episode is self contained so pretty much a film in its own right. And once again, it's my blog and I'll do what I like, so there.

So.....the point was, I'm back, have laptop, and will hopefully be reviewing actual films for you again soon.

As a special treat for any of you who were really bored enough to read this entire post, (seriously, I'm not even going to read it back to proof, this is pure, unadulterated filler), here is a fabulous version of what the Game of Thrones intro would have looked like on an 1990s VHS edition by Mikolaj.Birek, which they themselves constructed from this fabulous video from Hunterlsanders, and this music by Steve Duzz.

In case you don't get it kids, in the 90s it was very impressive for an actor to be able to convey all two emotions, happy and serious.

See you soon... maybe.

Reel Heroes

Don't think I've mentioned these before but the awesome Manface bought me these for my birthday one year;

• Serenity (2005)

• Scott Pilgrim vs the World (2010)

Apologies, broken laptop, crappy Blogger app and too lazy to use coding means you only get crappy images from my iPhone camera now! I am so good to you.

These are the 'Reel Heroes' comic cover editions of two of my favourite films and they are fricking gorgeous! 

Wipe Yourself Off Man, You Dead

So, as quickly as it all began it stops again!

I have a few things to tell you about. I went to see Muppets Most Wanted (2014) and The Double (2013).

One was awesome. One sucked. Will hopefully tell you about that soon. I also got to see Rush (2013) in the wonderful world of home cinema. 

However my dear old friend Sonny the laptop, after five long years, decided to quite spectacularly catch fire and writing blog posts on mobile is painful!

Otherwise I would have embedded this awesome clip into the title, but I am too lazy to work out if I can use coding within the Blogger mobile app, and even so I can't be bothered to use coding on a mobile phone for every link I want to embed and every bit of style I want to include. 

So, look forward to nothing but short, completely un-interactive posts about drivel for a while. In the meantime I will either attempt to find a blogging app that doesn't completely suck, or sing on street corners until I can afford a new laptop. 

Laters taters!

Edit: As you can see, I have  new laptop and the compulsive in me couldn't bare to let this post stay with no direct links or without that clip embedded into the post. Yey for me!

Judging a Film by It's Trailer! - Friday 11th April 2014

Welcome to your second week of Judging a Film by It's Trailer! Let's see if we can make this one out on time shall we!

So in case you didn't tune in last week, here's the deal;

Using the list courtesy of Launching Films, I watch the trailers of all the movies (hopefully, if not as many as I get to in time) being released in UK cinemas on the coming Friday. Give my basic thoughts, and categorise them into Green, Orange and Red, dependent on my desperation to watch them. The categorisation is pretty basic, but I'm only watching the trailers so that's the point. Snap decisions based on often badly constructed representations of the final product. Woooo for badly informed choices!

If you want intelligent review, step away now.

Friday 11th April 2014

• The Quiet Ones
• Calvary
• The Strange Colour of Your Body's Tears
• The Lunchbox
• The Last Days on Mars
• Khumba: A Zebra's Tale (3D)
• Half Of A Yellow Sun
• The Raid 2
• Pioneer
• The King And The Mockingbird
• Willow And Wind (Beed-o Baad)

Lets get to it then shall we!

An Ode to the 80s Cinema

Or Showcase Cinema, Bristol Avonmeads.

Photo from Geograph.org.uk

This is a really random post, but I just have to talk about how much I love this hideous, eyesore of a cinema.This Showcase cinema is probably one of the most neglected (by cinemagoers, not the staff or management) cinemas in Bristol or my whole area really, and I absolutely adore it! Here is why;

The Grand Budapest Hotel (2014) Review

Or, I don't know what the bloody hell is happening, but it's a bloody good ride. 

You can watch the trailer here.

So, there's me getting all smug that I'm up to date with my film reviews for the first time ever, when I realised I forgot to review my favourite film so far this year!

I am one of those dirty millennial postmodernists so of course dear old Wes Anderson is pretty much my God, and The Grand Budapest Hotel (2014) marks a return to top form. 

Don't get me wrong, I really enjoyed Moonrise Kingdom (2012). The perils of young love were adorable and I loved the way their relationship blossomed, all over the backdrop of a young scout taking his badges far too seriously. It was perfect, and it was totally Wes. 

However it didn't quite feel right. Wes's films are snappy and full of lunacy and move so quickly from one moment to the next that we don't have time to question the bizarreness of it all. That's the fun of his dialogue. It all comes across as people talking to themselves in the mirror, reacting quicker than their brains can process speech as it is practically all a train of thought. 

Moonrise Kingdom was much slower and more indulgent. Which was a nice change of pace but not where his best filmmaking functions. I got the impression he came across this kid, Jared Gilman, fell in love with him, and just wanted to see where it would go. I can't blame him, Gilman was amazing, and Moonrise Kingdom is still far better than most films out there, but it was never going to be my favourite.

Grand Budapest however was just perfect. So much so that I came out of the cinema just plain loving it. I couldn't pick out any individual bits that made it perfect. It just was. It's not very often I can go into a film and completely suspend all disbelief. Anderson is the only director I have known to get me to put down my analysis hat and just let me go along for the ride.